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New for You! Conducting a Long Distance Romance
Description: What's the best way to conduct a long distance relationship? How can you build a relationship without actually seeing each other very much?
Categories: Dating, Pen Pals, Friends: Cyber Dating, Member Surveys, Relationships: Singles
This Post has been viewed 7957 times.
Submitted by: Nannette | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 2/10/2003
Our members answered these questions: What's the best way to conduct a long distance relationship? How can you build a relationship without actually seeing each other very much?
Female - Age Range: 18-20
i am in a long distance relationship and we have kept it going by communicating always and also been honest with each other.we also tell ourselves how much we love each other and we pray and fast together over alot of issues in ourlives.we also based the relationship on scriptures and it is really working out fine.if i end up finding someone else i will tell him because of the honesty and God we based it on and there will be no hard feelings.the most important things are:communication,friendship,honesty and prayers.
Female - Age Range: 21-30
Its better we put God ahead in everything we do he will make sure no matter how far apart the relationship can be it will be protected,communication is quite important it can be through emails,telephones,faxes and many more in order to make the bond to grow more stronger
Female - Age Range: 21-30
I am currently involved in this. I am from South Carolina and building a long distance relationship with a young man from Canada. We chat online every night, email every day and talk on the phone a couple of times a week. I plan on meeting him in March. from there if things work out well, he'll be moving here later this year.
I met my first husband online in 1996 built a relationship with him in much the same way from PA to SC. We were married 14 months when he passed away at the age of 24 from Cancer.
Female - Age Range: 21-30
Wow! Good question! The first thing I would say is PRAY A LOT!!! lol... My experience has been that two people can start to get to know each other long distance (travel, phone calls, etc.), but beyond that its frustrating. Marriage is not like buying a car where you might have ten different ones in your lifetime... and if you're interested enough in someone its best to get to know them VERY WELL before walking down an aisle with them. So, if you think you've found 'the one,' unless God lets you know in some miraculous way that its okay to marry someone you haven't lived around, you'll never really know for sure unless one of you moves to where the other one is. How do you decide? The question is - will you always wonder if you don't pursue the possibility?
Kiwimade:
Female - Age Range: 21-30
Hi Nannette & Larry—
You may use my alias in response to your survey on long distance relationships.
Initiating a long distance relationship can be quite a challenge, however, today’s technology makes it much easier and affordable to get to know someone outside your local area. Without face-to-face contact one is left to communicate via e-mail, snail-mail, fax and or phone. If anyone can come up with another way please let me know.
Being open and sharing things about yourself, just as you would divulge in a conversation over dinner allows the person on the other end to get to know you. As a friendship progresses people usually spend more time together. This is an obvious difficulty with long distance relationships, but can be overcome to a certain degree by increasing frequency of contact via a preferred choice of communication.
Being unique as individuals we all have different views on relationships and different thoughts on how a long distance one should occur. However, the bottom line is that we all just want to be accepted and loved. We have different ways of feeling loved and it is important to realize what type of expression gives our significant other, as well as our self, the most satisfaction. I think Gary Chapman sums it up well in his book The 5 Love Languages. For some it is quality time spent, others words of affirmation, some prefer receiving gifts, while others appreciate acts of service done for them and then finally those who feel most connected by physical touch. After knowing how your special someone comes to feel appreciated and accepted one can focus efforts in that direction for the most meaningful effect.
Using myself as an example, I enjoy all aspects of being found special. I love to have someone do something unexpected for me like shovel my driveway-it’s winter what can I say, tell me I look great that day or buy me flowers etc. However, I also know I am one who derives more pleasure when someone spends their time with me or conveys to me that I am special by touching my arm, or holding my hand—must be the physical therapist coming out in me. I realize in a long distance relationship that my preferences for being found special is hard to come by without face to face contact, so for someone to take time out of their busy schedule to write me each night or rather frequently means a lot to me.
With the above said, Nannette’s question regarding how to build a long distance relationship just could have easily been answered with the one word, COMMUNICATION. Good communication, open communication, understanding communication and the ultimate when communication displays vulnerability.
Female - Age Range: 21-30
Well, the first thing we need to have a good maturity, to kno what we want to our lives in the future, be christian, have objectives and plans to our future. I believe in long distance relationship because i think if we found someone who am seeking with all the characteristics and very interested of each other can be a big and blessed succeful. We have to pray very much and every day to God to guide our lives to take all the decisions of our life.
Female - Age Range: 21-30
I believe that the BEST way to conduct a long distance relationship is to be COMMITTED. Not saying a ring or proposal before the second conversation, BUT realizing that this person - to whom I may be interested in getting to know better - lives OUT-OF-STATE, if not out of country! And, with this type of preliminary commitment, comes the knowledge of a frequent phone-relationship, high phone bills, regular travel [perhaps bi-monthly], letter or email-writing, and...TRUST.
I think that once two people have ventured into this type of relationship, that the issue and understanding of exclusiveness should be honestly examined. This is not only 'fair' to the other person, but Christian-like also.
I believe and KNOW [from personal experience/distance relationship that fizzled] that once the two persons see each other, spend those quality hours together - in informal [dating] AS WELL AS formal [church and activities], that the relationship will solidfy and grow.
Don't think about or worry [too early on] about 'distance', and 'will we get married', and 'who'd moving where or quitting whose job'? God WILL work that out in due time!
Best of His blessings...and...
ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER
anicewhitetiger:
Female - Age Range: 31-40
'You may use my alias'
I have had three long-distance relationships and each were unique and different from the others. All three guys I dated at a long distance were friends of a female college friend of mine. My friend really enjoys setting up her friends with other people whom she believes will lead to marriage and is disappointed when things do not work out. With the first guy, I got his phone number from our mutual college friend and called him up and left a message on his answering machine. Ever since then, we began calling each other almost every week and found this to be a fun method to get to know each other. Also, since neither of us had computers and emailing via the internet was just getting to be popularized on a national level in mid 1990’s, we wrote letters via snail mail and sent each other photos instead. It was my first serious relationship, but not his, and after seven months of corresponding and calling long-distance with me in AZ and him in TX, we decided to meet. I traveled by Greyhound bus for about 20 hours and we met at a bus station in TX. I had stayed at a friends place and we went out on dates for about ten days before I went back to AZ. My long-distance boyfriend proposed to me over the phone the day before I traveled down to TX, proposed to me a second time while I was visiting, and a third time when I returned. After I returned, we continued to send letters and call each other often. Five months later, he travels by bus to AZ, we go out on dates for ten days, and then when he returns to TX we continue the long-distance corresponding and calling for another three months before I move down there thinking we were going to get married. We had post-poned the wedding several times however due to disagreements in the relationship. We dated for about a year and half more in a close relationship but things did not work out and we just stayed as friends. My college friend soon found a second guy for me to try dating while I was living in TX since I was no longer engaged nor dating the first guy anymore. At first I only wanted to be pen pals, so the second guy and I were just writing to each other at first since we were a few hundred miles apart estimated. As the months go by, however, we got to know each other more through letters and phone calls, we agreed to meet after several months of long-distance contact. We met a few times over a couple of months and corresponded and called a bit in between dates, but found we were not compatible and moved on with our lives. I moved back to AZ soon after that and my same college friend from TX who set me up with the other two guys found a third one for me. The third guy is from TX as well and we began corresponding with letters at first since he did not have his own phone set up yet. I kept trying to convince him to get a phone set up and finally he did, several months later estimated, and we began chattering on the phone and writing letters. We sent photos of each other as well. Although we kept communicating about trying to arrange a time to meet, it never worked out and the disagreements over various issues ended the long-distance relationship. I told my college friend from TX not to set me up with guys anymore since the guys she chooses like her type of outgoing personality and not my more reserved personality. I found long-distance relationships to be intriguing, mysterious, and fun on the one hand, and yet, on the other hand, they can be difficult since the two people cannot go out on dates unless they are willing to travel great distances and spend the money for phone calls, letters, and travel expenses. A person can find out quite a bit of information about another person via long-distance and works great for people who are timid on dates or who have difficulty finding people at the local church or other places to date. If I could have had a computer and email plus my cell phone that includes long-distance, and if the guy I was writing to had the same technology, I believe the costs would be much more manageable. I also believe I should have made sure that I had a stable employment before I moved to the state the guy lived in. The gal does not have to be the one to move, I think the guy should be flexible to move if the gal does not want to move. Before anyone moves, the two who are corresponding should make serious considerations of the consequences of what will happen if the relationship does not work out. I thought I was in love with the first guy, what did I know, it was my first serious relationship and I followed my heart and not my mind. I went with my gut feeling to move down without really thinking through what would happen if it did not work out. I did not ever really think that the wedding could be post-poned. I have wised up with experience.
Female - Age Range: 31-40
I think it's possible by developing a solid friendship first; either through corresponding or telephone communication, or both. One where the exchange of thoughts and platonic feelings are discussed (and it's IMPORTANT to COMMUNICATE TRUTHFULLY with each other). In this way both parties are aware of the intentions of the other. And in chrisitian love neither party will get hurt, if a major difference of opinion is a cause for concern. By respecting the other's feelings initially while developing that friendship, a closer, truer bond will ensue...I believe. What a better way to talk about what you value as an individual,important issues you believe in, your FAITH, your lifestyle, have fun and just be you, (and remember) the character qualities of both parties will slowly appear to the other. There was a point when I did not feel a long distance relationship was 'do-able' option. It can really be a liberating, 'no or little pressure' to feel the need to make a decison NOW-type of thing. There is ample time to pray over the friendship and the friend. In the process, you're learning by conversing, and becoming more comfortable with one another, and what makes the other 'MOVE'. Both parties should be in mutual agreement that developing a friendship is what they are both interested in at first. God willing, the differences or issues will be detected at this stage first. It TRULY makes sense. And it's a 'fun time', if you both can laugh together, and share your thoughts (very important, since this is how the relationship will flourish.) You will eventually want to meet in person; but DO NOT 'fast forward' and meet too soon. Take time and work on the friendship. Talk in depth to one another, and be aware that you both have 'skin on'. And ALWAYS SEEK THE Lord's guidance in this matter. GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!
fruitful:
Female - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias. Funny that this survey came along. I reunited with someone almost a year ago from high school and we have befriended one another. I thank the Lord for this time of long distance and communication, because I know that when and if this relationship takes place, it will be of God. I cannot see it any other way, nor would I want it any other way. I have seen him three times in a year as there are over 700 miles between us. There has not even been a kiss between us, but a lot of talking and when I even think about him my heart smiles. I think if we truly wait on the Lord, that person will come along. The things that could be and should be, won't be until God allows them to be. I'm not on line here trying to meet someone. I enjoy the Christian fellowship and these surveys. If we are obedient, I know God will bless us in His time ~ not ours. God Bless!
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I would sure like to know how to conduct a long distance relationship as I have met someone special who is in another state.
We have decided we will let God direct us in the way he sees fit for us.
Corresponding via this website and talking on the phone has been a plus in building a friendship first.
He has his picture on this website but I do not.
We are trying to figure out a time when we can meet somewhere face to face. But it must all be God's timing.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
First of all, here's a thought:
If a couple is seeking marriage, then prayerfully
think hard and long before contacting someone
(or replying to someone) in a far away location.
It may be a good idea to decide
(even before the first communication)
if relocation is an option.
It would be a true shame to:
begin a correspondence,
phone calls,
meet face-to-face,
fall in love,
and THEN have conflicts about who's going
to relocate if the relationship grows to that level.
Once that decision is made, the best way
to conduct a long distance relationship is
to build a foundation with letters, cards,
emails and phone calls.
They should both resist the urge build up hopes
and expectations prior to meeting each other
face to face.
During this time, the couple should see if
they have enough common interests to plan
a face-to-face meeting.
In my opinion, the relationship does NOT
truly begin UNTIL there is a face-to-face meeting
which should planned ASAP(As Soon As Possible).
After meeting, then the couple should plan
to spend as much time together as possible.
A relationship can be built and sustained
by constant communication (phone calls, letters,
cards etc) until the next face to face meeting.
However, realistically speaking:
For the relationship to truly become successful
and long lasting, SOMEBODY HAS TO RELOCATE.
Female - Age Range: 51-60
I don't believe it is really possible to have a complete relationship if it is all long distance. It is possible to get acquainted to a certain degree by phone, by email, etc., and you can have an idea of attraction, things in common, etc, with a visit or two, but in order to have a real relationship there is no way around living in the same area for a certain length of time. After all, if you are serious enough to consider a lifetime commitment, why would you not be serious enough to 'make sure', by seeing what that person is like in daily life. Anyone can be wonderful and charming for a weeekend, or a week, here and there. But you may discover, after living in the same area for awhile, that Mr. or Ms. Wonderful is really no different than anyone else--and better you discover that before the commitment than after. I am completely appalled with the amount of people who are ready to jump into things without any seeming sensibility at all. Prayer is no substitute for common sense, God did give us this gray matter between our ears, and I think He expects us to use it. Praying and then jumping into a premature relationship to me is akin to throwing yourself off a high building and expecting God to catch you, and you may remember that when the devil tempted Jesus to do this, Jesus responded by calling this presumptuousness.
Female - Age Range: 51-60
The best way to conduct a long distance relationship is through telephone contact, emailings, and periodic visits to his or her home town at least once or twice a month if possible.
daisyrose:
Female - Age Range: 51-60
You may use my alias.
I believe in a long distance relationship the best way to communicate is to buy earphones and a web camera and chat directly through Messenger on your computer. That's the next best thing to being there. Also, there can be phone calls, etc. It's very nice to pray together. Then of course, a visit once in a while helps. If you ask for the Lord's direction and guidance, He will help you get through this situation. My SS fiance and I are having a wonderful experience in spite of the distance and feel very close to each other.
Sincerely, Daisyrose
Female - Age Range: 61-70
Long distance relationships only work if two people are able to find common meeting ground in the get aquainted stage first. As time progresses and you know one another better, you have an idea if you would like to meet. From there, you can decide if you want to continue in a relationship. Honesty and openness by both is absolutely essential.
I have to admit that things go better when you are close enough to actually date and see each other in your own surroundings.
This web experience has been rather disheartening to me because of long distances. However, I will share with you that two of my young friends found their mates on this website. Both were in very long distance correspondence with their future mate before meeting.
JoshK:
Male - Age Range: 21-30
You may use my alias as usual.
I have to admit I find long distance to be a very tough challange. I get busy and forget to email... and then this site DELETES the letters I was going to respond to, further dooming many a nascient friendship.
The only way I can build a relationship without ever seeing someone is by a combination of all available resources. Telephone must eventually be one of them. So unfortunately there's not abundant hope for getting to know girls with free or expired accounts. The sooner we acquire each other's phone numbers the more likely we are to foster a lasting friendship. Now of course I realize she probably doesn't want to trade numbers right away, and that's fine, but extremely timid girls are not usually my type. Which leads to the next requirement for a succussful long-distance relationship: the woman doing her part. I certainly don't expect her to do more than 50% of the work, but niether am I a knight-in-shining-armor looking to rescue some little damsel from the depths of apathy and obscurity (that's God's work). I'm a prince looking to meet his match, his equal.
Of course it all boils down to I don't live on the internet or the telephone, I live in Collegedale, TN. Long distance can't sustain much more than a friendship. Not that that's a bad thing, but for me actual romance requires, among other things, being able to look into one another's eyes. Sooner or later the distance factor has to be reduced from many miles to a matter of feet and inches.
Male - Age Range: 21-30
it sometimes can be hard. but people say that not seeing each other very much makes the heart grow fonder.
derek29.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
Boy, as a long time member of this site for five years now, I should be an authority on this. LOL! Anyway, from my experiences, I have the following suggestions:
1) Communicate often! The Internet makes this easy with email! For talking purposes, look for good deals on phone cards on the Internet or ask people who use them often.
2) Don’t assume anything! Make sure in your communicating that you make yourself clear when discussing various topics. I've found that it's easy to be misunderstood through email and even phone calls.
Be honest!
3) Exchange pictures of yourself, surroundings, friends, family, etc., if you feel you know the person well enough to do so.
4) Pray, pray, pray! Pray over the phone with each other, pray that God will give you guidance, pray that God will reveal that person's true character to you, etc. Listen and look for His guidance!
5) You may even consider talking with those who know the person well. You may ask their pastor, relatives, friends, etc., so that you can have a 'character reference' of sorts.
6) Consider a time limit as to how long you will invest time, monies, etc. for the relationship. Lately I've found it better to at least know this person is a very good prospective for something long term before even spending money to travel to meet them.
7) Talk with others who've been in a long-distance relationship. Read books, articles, etc., and look for other materials on this subject to see if it's for you. I have some friends who flat-out do not like relating long distance. However, if you haven't before, give it a try at least!
8) Keep your eyes wide open and your feet on the ground. You can tend to look at your interest as 'perfect' because you don't get to be there to observe them under various circumstances so that you can better study his or her character. It's nice to see them in their 'natural habitat!' Treat this relationship with the same care and caution as if she or he were there with you!
9) Do consider if you can even afford to maintain a long distance relationship! Phone calls, airline tickets, bus tickets, car rentals, hotel rooms, etc., can put a dent in your budget if you're not careful. Awhile back, I ran up a $550 phone bill within a month's time!
10) Send inexpensive suprise gifts through the mail. That scented card thing still works! Be thoughtful!
That's all folks!
Male - Age Range: 31-40
HAMLET ONCE ASK, 'TO BE OR NOT TO BE, THAT IS THE QUESTION?' AND I SAY ' TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE LONG
DISTANCE, THAT IS THE QUESTION?' I MEAN I HAVE MET SOME REALLY COOL PEOPLE HERE, BUT ALOT ARE A LONG WAY OFF AND IT HAS BEEN MY EXPIRENCE IN LIFE, THAT IT IS HARD TO TELL ABOUT SOMEONE YOU CAN'T BE AROUND. HOW CAN YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE NEVER MET?
THIS IS A HARD ONE, AND SAY YOU DO FALL IN LOVE,UNLESS YOUR RICH, HOW WILL YOU SEE EACH OTHER, AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS, ABSENCE DOSE NOT MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER IT MAKES IT WONDER. I'M NOT SAYING IT CAN'T
BE DONE,BECAUSE IT HAS,BUT I THINK THAT WHEN IT DOES, IT IS MORE THE EXCEPTION AND NOT THE RULE
Matt633:
Male - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias
I think that the best way to pursue a long-distance relationship is to keep in constant contact with each other. Maybe daily contact isn't necessary but I think that communication (by both phone and email) is going to be required in a long-distance relationship, especially if the distance is significant. Of course, no everyone is exactly the same in their needs and wants regarding a relationship (whether it is long-distance or not), but I think regular contact is pretty much standard. I've only had one long-distance relationship and I think that for the both of us, regular contact was not only a characteristic of our correspondence, it made each contact that much more meaningful (of course she dumped me so I guess it was more meaningful to me than it was to her).
God bless
easygo:
Male - Age Range: 51-60
You may use my alias. Friendships cannot grow beyond a certain point at a distance. According to what I've been able to read on the subject, they usually start out by seeing what each other look like.........that means pictures........right up front. IF there is some 'chemistry,' then that increases the incentive to continue communicating. They then usually graduate to phone conversations and make arrangements for a visit or two. (I've wasted hundreds of dollars on visiting and inflated phone bills! ...well, maybe not really wasted. I've learned stuff.)
Ideally, if the 'chemistry' keeps building, one should relocate close to the other so they can fine-tune the friendship, for about a year, before they decide if they want to commit to each other for life or not.
There are a lot of 'false starts' and sometimes I have felt used. A lot of my time, money and physical/mental effort has been wasted, and I feel like a chump when the person I've been writing to disappears, but I'd feel worse than that if I made the wrong choice again!
I thank God for E-mail! One 'friend' and I really smoked the email lines for about six weeks before I went up to visit. We had worked out all the delecate questions and so were free to just enjoy each other's company. It was very nice at the time, but we eventually learned that we wouldn't be suitable for a committed relationship.
Shearching for a suitable companion is not a game for emotional wimps, but I have faith that the eventual reward will be worth the hassle.
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