|
|
|
|
New for You! Cross-Country Dating Advice
Description: Tips on dating someone from opposite
sides of the world/border.
Categories: Dating, Pen Pals, Friends: Member Surveys
This Post has been viewed 4744 times.
Submitted by: Nannette | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 9/8/2003
A member asks:
I was wondering (with your exposure to many couples who get married from
different countries), if you had any advice for myself and a young lady
living on opposite sides of the border. After a long relationship which
began using your services, we are anxious to live in the same area
before making a permanent commitment. She is presently trying to find work here...
I have thought of trying to find work in [her country].
Do you know what most couples do in this situation? Could other members give their
advice? We would really appreciate some guidance and experience.
Kimsters:
Female - Age Range: 21-30
You may use my alias:
I never thought I'd be interested in someone who was 2,000 miles away from me, but here I am...very interested. We met at a church that we were both visiting...emailed each other for awhile...then he asked for my phone number. It's been 8 months...an awesome 8 months. He'll be moving out here in a couple of years to finish school, and I'm very excited. I know the Lord has awesome plans for the both of us.
Okay, so now you have an idea of the foundation that I've set for the tips I'm going to post in this survey. All of these have been tried in the fire tons of times, so you should know they've been 'tested.'
-PRAY about your decision to have contact with this special person, first and foremost! Ask that the Lord's Will be done in each of your lives and that He will guide you and the other person in what each of you say, think, and do...so that your relationship is always giving glory to Him!!
- BE YOURSELF...this is so important because how else are the two of you supposed to truly get to know each other otherwise?
-HONESTY is the first chapter in the book of wisdom-is what my grandma told me as a little girl, and boy, was she right. Be completely honest with the other person because when the two of you finally do meet and he/she finds out otherwise from what you've told him/her...big mess.
-BE OPEN...BUT NOT TOO OPEN...now this depends on what stage you and the other person are in with the relationship. I've found with my guy that he's not to responsive when I bring up something very personal that's happening with my family, etc. He's very sympathizing, but I can tell that maybe we're not to the point where I can just bust out with whatever 'problem' I may be dealing with, which leads me to my next piece of advice...
-BE UPBEAT, SMILE, LAUGH...trust me, if you try your hardest to overly happy with he/she calls or emails you, it shows. Not only does help to put you in a better mood, but it also lets the other person know how happy and excited you are when you're talking to him/her. They feel special and wanted. This one works...trust me! : )
-FOR THE LADIES...sisters, let him call YOU! Let him make the 'moves.' I'll call my guy maybe 5 times a month (just to remind him that I AM interested and enjoy hearing from him), but since I've surrendered 'control' over who calls who, and who's turn it is to call...he's been calling me. It's been awesome! He's the one who asked for my phone number, and he's the one who offers to call me. The guys should be the ones who court the ladies...not the other way around.
-FOR THE GUYS...to start off with...call the ladies!!! It is your repsonsibility to call them, and essentially court them if you want a relationship. And when you're on the phone...ask them questions, too, instead of letting the ladies ask all the questions. Oh, and don't forget her birthday.
-LET THE LORD'S WILL...be the first, last, and only thing that guides the two of you in your relationship. Just keep in mind that He's always going to be there for you. Your relationship should always have God at its center. Only He knows what's best for you, and if you pray and ask for His Will to be done in your relationship, and life...then it will be...just as He promised.
KidoftheKing:
Female - Age Range: 21-30
'You may use my alias'
I reside in the Caribbean and i began dating a guy in the USA. It required me to give up everything so i weighed the pros and cons and decided to go no further with the relationship. However, my parents encountered the same decision. They met in England, communicated and travelled back and forth for years. But sooner than later my mom had to leave the caribbean and reside with my dad when they got married. Better opportunities seemed to be there and it made more sense to them both. But it took a lot of prayer, sacrifice, love, understanding and God's leading for them to accomplish this task. My suggestion therefore would be, pray earnestly about the matter and unselfishly weigh the pros and cons!
Female - Age Range: 31-40
I met someone on this site 2 years ago. I am in the US..He is is Canada. We became engaged in November...and started to go through the whole INS finace visa process. His final interview will be in October, so it has taken almost a year. My advise , get all your documements in order. Get a hold of all your local and Federal police records..since this alone can take over 3 months. Good luck
Female - Age Range: 31-40
I think you have the right approach: after meeting on this site, you have a long courtship and you are seeking to live much closer together BEFORE you get married.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I just finished a good book on how this woman was so wanting to get out of her country, she did much to find a suitor. I have even had families want to pay me to marry their relative so the kin could get a green card, so this topic has some issues of which I hate to suggest. I just think Christians also have to be aware of this blindspot, even as Christians. You mentioned her youth.. are you? or? Sorry if sounds cynical,but that would be not fair for her if she is very young and you are not. That is a whole other issue of injustice. Sorry but that is what the message board allows.. one to ask for others' perspectives to pray and be truthful about in light of the journey to truly hear the facts in light of the hope we each have. The hope is to do the right thing- if there are a lot of persons on here wanting to get to America, be careful they are really wanting to marry for the right reasons. ouuch.. my thoughts.
Female - Age Range: 61-70
Hi.
I do not have much advice, but I have the same question. How do you get to know each other if you never are able to spend time together. It seems like a hard situation. I know someone in South Africa that I would like to know better. He comes to the U.S. once a year and we spend a few minutes together. So I have decided to let God take care of it. If we are meant to be together the Lord will find a way to do that. Have faith and trust in God in all things. That is my advice.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
I have thought of that before. I'm sure it's a very good idea to live in the same area before any commitment takes place, especially when they are from other country. I hope you have visited each other already before thinking of living in the same area.
I find hard for me to give much advice on that because every case is different and I can't know who you both are but I'll have you in my prayers.
Male - Age Range: 51-60
i dated someone who lived over 400 miles away and then we married and divorced as she wanted to go to where her children were and leave me in this town ad still be married it doesnt take a genious to realize this would open the door to temtation or adultry as the bus trip to her city was more than 6 hours a 4 hour deelay down time in transfering from one bus to another a 2hour trip to this stop and 2 more transfers it can destroy a relatioonship and did she remaried shortly after the split and they divorced shortly so i am scripturly divorced according to dut 24 1-4 we canot reconcile as there is a concequence sin on the lAND
easygo:
Male - Age Range: 51-60
You may use my alias.
Yes, after you have talked-out your relationship by phone/email and had enough long-distance visits for a year or so, then one should definitely move to the country you both plan to live in to fine-tune your friendship for another year or so.
God Bless!~
DonJ:
Male - Age Range: 61-70
You may use my alias.
Some of the difficulties of cross border/cross cultural relationships include differences in language, culture, and lifestyle. There are enough challenges for a new couple in uniting their lives without unnecessarily adding geography, culture, and language. Also the cost of travel and the choice of where to live especially where extended family are involved could be challenging. Visas and such can also be expensive and frustrating to get. However where God is leading all these challenges can be met.
I personally would like to hear more about how a missionary living overseas, with all the challenges that includes, can discover someone with commitment, willingness to adapt, and the language skills needed to fit into God's call. How do we develop and experience the friendship qualities we long for at a distance without the option of visits, or even telephone calls.
Tidbits on Fiance Visas
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Copyright (c) 1993-2009 Nannette Thacker, Shining Star Services LLC ChristianSinglesDating.com
Free Trial! Chat, Photos, Search, Christian values, 2-way match, love.
Christian Singles|Christian Pen Pals|Christian Marriage|Christian Dating|Christian Chat|Personals Ads
|
