New for You!Exclusive Dating? OK to date more than one?
Description: A member asks:
Is it wrong to date several people during the same time period or should a person date each person one at a time? Does the age of the person make a difference in your answer?
Categories: Dating, Pen Pals, Friends: Member Surveys
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Submitted by: Nannette | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 4/6/2003
A member asks:
Is it wrong to date several people during the same time period or should a person date each person one at a time? Does the age of the person make a difference in your answer?
Jenn2000:
Female - Age Range: 21-30
You may use my alias.
I really think the answer to this question depends a great deal upon what it meant by the term 'dating.' when our grandparents were teens, dating meant spending time with one whom was considered to be a possibility for a marriage partner. In the 21st century, it is highly unlikely that anyone in the the US will marry someone that they do not first date. However, dating by today's standards is totally different than it was fifty years ago. Today people will often refer to having dinner with someone of the opposite sex as having a 'date.'
If the purpose of dating is merely to increase one's number of friends, dating several people at once is perfectly fine. However, if one of the individuals in the dating relationship feels that the the relationship is more than just friendship, then it is unwise to go on dates with others as well. The key here is communication. It is important to communicate one's expectations of the current 'dating' relationship as well as how outside 'dates' would be perceived.
I personally don't like the idea of dating. I hold strongly to the idea that two people ought to be able to become friends while with a group of others. Dating as it is done today simply encourages acting as someone that may not be a reality. Interacting in a group takes the pressure off of individuals to entertain each other and leads to healthy interaction and friendship building, which is what marriage should be all about.
Female - Age Range: 21-30
I think the Lord asks us to be single hearted for him, why not in dating too?
Female - Age Range: 31-40
It should be understood that dating is a
getting-to-know-me/you period and not an established relationship. Except it's love-at-first-sight, that level of understanding should be established between the dating partners, so that either is free to date another person if he/she chooses to. It is not wrong to date more than one person simultaneously,and the age doesn't matter, as everyone has a preference and a particular taste.
Female - Age Range: 31-40
Yes it is wrong. I choose who to date based on my assessment of the person in a preliminary platonic stage. At this preliminary stage, I am free to get to know several people at the same time, because I have a detached non-emotional relationship with each person. I use this time to eliminate all but one person, and that is the sole person that I date.
At this dating stage I need to be in an exclusive relationship because both of us are investing our emotions in this relationship and we have high expectation of each other and of ourselves and christians. We would be deceiving each date if we are secretly seeing other people at the same time and that is not a christian way to conduct our lives.
The age of a person is irrelevant. All dating relationships should be exclusive.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
Yes. I beleive it is wrong. Especially if there was a mutual agreement not to. Also, by dating and talking with more that one perons it brings about confusion therefore not allowing the relationship a fair chance to mature and progress as it will or will not. Besides, most people know within a few days of talking if there is a relationship worth pursuing.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
It is to difficult to remember what you have and havent shared with several people at a time. I t is extremely time consuming and is confusing to ones emotions. If one has any integrity it will not be a reasonable option.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I belive that if you are looking for a special someone to settle down with you should investigate the spiritual qualities and morals in the individual. There's nothing wrong with a casual dinner, drive or walk with the same person on a couple of occassions. But one must be careful not to lead the other person on if it's not their intention. On the other hand some people prefer to date one at a time but through it all whether it be a good catch or not, at least we would have met a new friend.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
Hi, I don't think there is anything wrong with dating more than one person at once, as long as it stays on a friendship basis. Once it moves into something more serious then one should be exclusive. I would love the opportunity to date more than one, but dating one even, is a challenge in the 40 something years! Where are the men anyway?
When I was 18 (a very long time ago), I had more than one date with different guys on some weekends. The years and a few pounds have sure made a difference. The thing is I am more fun than I was then, I can cook better and am a whole lot wiser and even a better sense of humor, although a bit cynical at times.
The other big change is a mature walk with the Lord and we talk about everything. It is good to have the only absolutely dependable being as my best friend at my side at all times.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
That depends on your definition of 'dating'. I believe it is quite possible to be 'going out' with several people at the same time as long as all parties are aware of what is happening. Honesty and integrity does allow for getting to know several people at the same time. The main ingredient is to be honest and treat all parties with Christian respect and concern. Once a relationship gets to the point of being exclusive, it is definitely inappropriate to be seeing more than one person at a time.
Male - Age Range: 21-30
I once dated a girl who I knew had another boyfriend. But I didn't know him so I was fine with that. I don't know if he knew she was dating me, but I know he didn't know who I was. Another time I tried to form a relationship with a girl who had a boyfriend living in Canada, while she and I were living in Illinois. However, she moved to Colorado before I got anywhere being more than friends. Now I being a man and speaking with experience feel it's okay to date several people at one time, if those people are in an area where they will never see you dating someone else. You limit yourself if you just do one person at a time. After all, it is a way of finding out the person you like better.
Women on the other hand, I know from experience. If she finds out her man is dating someone else, she will either dump him or start a catfight with the other woman.
Male - Age Range: 21-30
I do not think it is wrong. In fact, I think our fetish for exclusive dating at even the youngest age is why our divorce/cohabitation rates are so high. I think I have no call to expect a person to go out with me alone until I have placed an engagement ring on her finger. Now, I think after a while you decide voluntarily to go out with one person that is fine. The fact that you do not want to exclusively date one person or her you would be an important factor in deciding whether you want to pursue the relationship. However, certainly in the early stages of a relationship I think exclusive dating is probably a bad thing.
nin70:
Male - Age Range: 31-40
you may use my alias
I think that a person can date as many as they choose until some sort of committed relationship is made by both parties. There is no sense in excluding someone just becuase you have been talking to another. With that i will put emphasis on the commited side of this arguemnt. Once a solid committment has been established i am against outside dating.
Have fun and be careful.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
internet dating is confusing enough pls only date one person at a time
Male - Age Range: 31-40
no and no
Male - Age Range: 31-40
No. It depends on how serious the relationship gets.
Keep up the good work with the site, Nannette and Larry!
SHARP:
Male - Age Range: 31-40
YOU MAY USE MY ALIAS,
I THINK DATING MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT A THE IS FINE, AND AS A SINGLES PASTOR I WOULD ENCOURAGE IT;HOWEVER I BELIEVE YOU MUST LET ALL PARTIES KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, ALL RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD START OUT AS FRIENDS, YOU SHOULD NEVER COMMIT TO SOMEONE ON THE FIRST DATE, EVEN IF YOU FEEL THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE, DATING OTHER PEOPLE WILL HELP YOU MAKE THAT CHOICE, BY LETTING YOU SEE HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT THAT PERSON, OR HOW YOU DON'T FEEL ABOUT THEM, AND REMEMBER, WE ARE NOT LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WE CAN LIVE WITH, BUT THE ONE WE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT, AND YOU FIND THAT OUT BY KEEPING OPTIONS OPEN, AND A WORD TO THE GUYS, NO MATTER HOW MANY WOMEN MAY SAY DIFFERENT IN THIS SURVEY, MOST WILL DATE SOMEONE ELSE, IF FOR NO OTHER RESON, THAN TO MAKE SURE THIS IS IT.
THE MAIN THING IS TO REMEMBER, TAKE YOUR TIME, KEEP OPTIONS OPEN, AND ALWAYS BE HONEST, LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU ARE DATING OTHER PEOPLE AS WELL. THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO IS LIE, BE OPEN AND HONEST, TRUST YOUR HEART AND THE LORD, THEY WILL TELL YOU WHEN IT IS TIME TO GET EXCLUSIVE, UNTIL THEN HAVE FUN, MEET NEW PEOPLE, ENLARGE YOU BOARDERS, WAIT ON GOD.
AS FOR AGE, I THINK THE YOUNGER YOU ARE, THE MORE THIS APPLIES, AND YET THE HARDER IT IS TO GET DONE, YOUNG MINDS AND HORMONES, MEET THE RIGHT PERSON ABOUT ,ONCE A WEEK TO TWICE A MONTH, AND THAT IS WHY MOST MARRIAGES OF PEOPLE UNDER 25 DON'T LAST, SO I WOULD SAY AS I STATED EARLIER, THE YOUNG, THE MORE YOU SHOULD DATE MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
ONE OTHER THING, AS A SINGLES PASTOR, SOMETHING ELSE I SEE, WHEN PEOLPE COMMIT EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP, THINGS ARE MOVING VERY FAST, TO THE POINT EVEN OUR PASSION MOVE FAST, AND IF WE AREN'T CAREFUL WE ENGAGE
IN SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A PERSON WE HARDLY KNOW, AND THIS IS NEVER GOOD, I KNOW SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS OKAY, BUT EVEN IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, WHICH I DON'T,BUT EVEN IF YOU DO, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH WELL, ONE WAY TO AVIOD THIS PIT FALL, IS TO NOT SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH ONE PERSON UNTIL YOU ARE SURE THIS IS IT.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
ONE AT A TIME: If you expect to find someone who will be faithful to you, then you must be faithful too. If you believe that faithfulness is important in marriage, then you must practice faithfulness before marriage—for what you learn before marriage, is what you will carry into your marriage, whether by thought or deed. Marriage does not change a person...marriage is what you and your partner make of the bond that God has entrusted you with. How important is faithfulness to you? Then learn now the fidelity you intend to practice in marriage, and that you will want your spouse to practice with you.
Labels don't change how the heart feels or operates. Who's heart you play with now, will be your heart that is toyed with later. Anyone who tells you s/he wants to 'date around' is also splitting his/her affections/attention among others, purposely preventing any serious involvement with you so s/he won't get hurt at your expense. Eventually all but one will get dumped, and unless your date is interested in you enough to think about what you both can make together, then you are making nothing. Such a person has also not yet solved his/her emotional past, but is loading up on more and using you as a baggage handler. Has this person done their work to be rid of their baggage by taking time off to heal and become whole? If not, then this person has nothing whole to offer you but the broken pieces in his/her luggage.
Have some self-respect and start finding someone who is able to give to you, as a whole, what you yourself can offer and have worked so hard to maintain...then together build your treasure with your partner, with things that will last. Marriage is to last a lifetime...so why mess it up now with habits you don't want later?
~NB~
countryboy1961:
Male - Age Range: 41-50
you may use my alias. I don't think theres anything wrong with dating several people at once as long as your not going steady.Its all a matter of preferance as to how each individual feels about it.The age differance does not matter in my opinion.I think honesty counts,if someone you are dating asks,tell them.If they dont ask dont bring it up,unless you feel obliged to do so.
ArkMan:
Male - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias.
I personally feel that it is okay if a person is mature enough to handle this kind of arrangement. If some do this, then that's okay. However, I don't do this. I would feel like I'm cheating. I don't like dating just as 'friends' either. I'm dating to pursue a relationship. That's just the way it is.
I would feel uncomfortable trying to juggle two or more relationships at one time. It seems it would be confusing emotionally especially if one of the other parties wanted to become more involved. I can see feelings needlessly being hurt.
Just because I date exclusively doesn't mean I am going to marry the other party. I just like to focus all of my attention on one person. I would also like the other person to focus on me too. I don't mean that to sound as if I'm possessive. To me, that other person is special and deserves to know that. People like to feel special. When you date several at one time, then you can't make them all feel special because one them just might be a little more special and it would be unfair to the rest.
Just focus on one. It seems easier and less confusing.
I can't see that age would make a difference in my answer. Love In Christ.
Male - Age Range: 41-50
I believe One should be Honest and Faithful to the One he or she is going out with. Christians must keep in mind that it is the Father that 'Joins' them together, not their own desires or will. They should All pray 'Not my will Lord, but, Thy Will Be Done'. Amen! There is a great need for Christians to keep their focus on the Lord, and not on the Flesh, or its outward appearances. Remember! If ye sow to the flesh, ye will reap the things of the flesh, and you will not overcome the world. But if ye sow to the Spirit, then, you will reap the things of the Spirit, and All things will be added unto you as promised by the Father. The choice is simple and clear. 'Set your affection on things above'. Having said that, I leave you to make your own choices. Love Christianson.
