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New for You! Christians and Pre-Nuptual Agreements
Description: Pre-Nuptual Agreements? What do you think? What about Post-Nuptual agreements?
Categories: Dating, Pen Pals, Friends: Cyber Dating, Member Surveys, Relationships: Singles
This Post has been viewed 9037 times.
Submitted by: Nannette | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 3/14/2003
A member suggested this survey:
Pre-Nuptual Agreements? What do you think? What about Post-Nuptual agreements?
She adds, "I know other couples who have signed them willingly before they were married "because they were in love."
Afterwards, they were "taken to the cleaners" so to speak...:( and regretted ever signing anything like it...and never will again!"
Female - Age Range: 21-30
I guess I would say that if you don't trust that person enough and HAVE to have a pre-nupt..then why on earth are you marrying them? If you think s/he is marrying you only for your maney, then again, why are you geting married? Pre-nupts tell a person loud and clear that you don't trust them...now is that any way to start a marriage?
Female - Age Range: 41-50
I am comsidering the thought of having a Pre-Nuptual agreement signed if I were to ever marry again. I am a single mom with a new house. It took me years of struggling financially to save enough money to make the dream of us owning our own home a reality. The last thing I would want is to have a new marriage end in divorce and my children and I have to start over again. The things accumulated during the relationship would not enter into the equation, only the house. I see this as a form of protection, not a way of taking advantage of anyone. I will definately be interested in reading the results of this survey. This is a topic that does interest me.
Female - Age Range: 41-50
Absolutely. When I went through my divorce, someone told me to remember that the person you are divorcing is not the same person that you married. I under-estimated the truth in that. My ex told me that he was going to take everything I had, and he tried his hardest to do it. The belief that men 'lose' it all, and women 'take' it all is not true. Whoever is financially secure is at risk of losing what they've worked for. However good your intentions are, and how you feel about your partner-to-be, that 'Christian' that you marry could always stray from Christ later. I've also heard story's that pre-nup's don't work, tho. A friend had one, but the judge disregarded it. There are other ways to help protect yourself.....I learned them too late. First, don't convert your separate property to community property!! As one of my cynical friends says, 'the leading cause of divorce is marriage.'
Female - Age Range: 51-60
I believe in Pre-Nuptual Agreements for those of us who have been married before. It is only fair that the wife or husband should not loose all their possesions if the marriage does not work out. I have worked hard for what little I have acquimulated since my divorce. I would prefer to be protected from loosing everything in the event of a divorce or death of my spouse. I think Post-Nuptual Ageements would be difficult to make. How does one know what the future holds? For some things they might be good. Has anyone had one of these? How did it work?
Female - Age Range: 51-60
I think that pre-nuptial agreements are the most honest way to go. I even think that it would be bravest to lay it all to the other heirs-to-be of the couple. I may be different, but I figure that my moral right to anything my finace/spouse may have accumulated before he met me is limited anyway.
More to the point: I may have inherited money which a parent sacrificed to save. Why should I leave that to a son-in law my parent never met, especially if I have no children with this man? I feel that it should go first to my siblings.
And that is just one example. The important thing is not to set your finacee's expectation for somehting unrealistic and above all to do everything possible to minimize contention and strife with your other relatives in the case of your death.
Prenuptial agreements are very sticky in the case of divorce, but the party with money can feel vunerable while the party without money may feel exploited. It has to be dealt with someway, somehow, sometime. I prefer doing it before the wedding.
Female - Age Range: 51-60
Never go into a marriage without both partners in agreement with how matters will be handled. If you don't you are building your marriage on sand.
Thus saith a never married.
Female - Age Range: 51-60
All who have spent a lifetime accumulating wealth should have a pre-nup to protect their investments and their distribution wishes....Texas
ginvermisu:
Female - Age Range: 61-70
You may use my alias.
I will never sign a pre-nuptial again. With my last marriage, he wanted me to because in 2 marriages before, he had been left in the cold. I wanted to marry him, so I signed it. All he wanted was my house which I had bought before I married him. I had put in the pre-nup that if anything happened he could live in the house and I would move back to my home town thinking we'd never divorce, nothing like that would happen, well it did. I had told him he could live there but no he had to have a pre-nup. I felt if he had believed me, and I wasn't lying to him, we wouldn't need a pre-nup. After our divorce and his buying my home, I found out he was a man who went after women who lose husbands and take them for everything they have. Well he did and what makes me mad I let him. I feel that if you don't really trust one another, then don't get married.
Female - Age Range: 61-70
I have a cousin who's husband died in a Ranch accident, and married twice after that. The men in her relationships were the ones who suggested pre-neptual aggreements because she inherited a lot of money. The men wanted her grown children to know, they did not marry her for her money, but because they loved her. At first the children were against their 'Mother' getting married again, but because the two gentlemen wanted pre-neps, they soon gained the respect and admiration due to them. All financial dealing done after we arrive at retirement age, and if there are children involved (no matter the age) should have a pre-neptual done. IF after the marraige the couple chooses to do anything together, arrangements between them should be their choice. A pre-nep is usually binding and the only reason it would not be is if a lawyer did not make it 'iron clad tight.' I would sign a pre-nep agreement, and would want one.
Male - Age Range: 21-30
If it truly is the person God has in store for you then there is no need for a prenup. You will just know; you will feel it in your heart. Let your trust in God, be your prenup. Don't put your trust in the world. When you put God first everything else falls in place.
JoshK:
Male - Age Range: 21-30
You may use my alias. Tis oft with cowardly that anonymous is synonymous.
Of prenuptual agreements signed
I doubt a need for it is I find
quite enough to say 'I do'
and mean it
For we ought to know how high, this promise, 2
esteem it
Male - Age Range: 21-30
That's like saying 'I want to share all of my life with you.... as long as you don't cross this personal border of mine.' What makes a marriage difference from a business partnership is the knowledge that you will likely forgive things that would have made you forsake relationships with other people... a pre-nup can easily make two people cold loveless business partners.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
you can use my alias.
I think that if done properly they can benefit both parties. Howver; I wouldn't sign anything that didnt meet my needs. If compromise in the prenup id lacking then I would automatically assume that no love existed. I don't think the intention is to harm either party but to protect (usually the originator has the advantage) the parties involved. I would definitely ensure it to not deny my rights and would have my lawyer look it over.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
Although I don't it is necessary, but I think it is a good idea, especially for those who are established in their career and have considerable asset. It is like wearing seatbelt. Not that you will have an accident, but if you did, it would lessen the grief and pain.
Have one, but pray that you will never have to use it.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
FROM A BIBLICAL STANDPOINT PRENUPS ARE WRONG BECAUSE THEY ARE A TOOL USED FOR DIVORCE.IT'S LIKE YOUR PREPARING FOR A DIVORCE BEFORE YOU EVEN ARE MARRIED WHICH PUTS A NEGITIVE ELEMENT INTO WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE UNTIL DEATH WITH ONLY ONE OR TWO EXCEPTIONS AS JESUS SPOKE OF IN MATTHEW 5:31-32.PRENUPS ARE ALSO THE WORLDS WAY OF APPROACHING MARRIAGE AND WE ARE NOT TO BE OF THE WORLD BUT RATHER WE ARE TO BE SET APART,TO BE HOLY.GOD HATES DIVORCE AS IT IS WRITTEN IN MALACHI 2:16.PRENUPS SAY ONLY ONE THING TO ME AND THAT IS IF THIS DOESN'T WORK I ALWAYS HAVE A WAY OUT.I THINK WE SHOULD BE VERY PATIENT AND WAIT ON GOD FOR OUR MATE AND THEN GIVE OUR RELATIONSHIP TO JESUS TO LORD IT OVER AND I BELIEVE THE DIVORCE RATE WOULD DROP AND PRENUPS WOULDN'T BE AN OPTION.
Male - Age Range: 31-40
What does it mean???
Male - Age Range: 31-40
All married people make/made pre- and post-nuptual agreements... The difficulty with the ones we're presumably referring to here is that they are the legally binding kind, designed to apply 'in case we can't work things out and decide to divorce'. Considering the complications of divorce, I think pre-nups make a lot of sense -- worldly sense, that is. But I also believe that the only way to approach marriage is 'we will work things out; divorce is not an option'. Doesn't a pre-nup sort of shoot that in the foot?
As a 40+ year-old previously-unmarried (that was probably obvious already) doc, my financial and legal advisors are rather dogmatic about having a pre-nup. But then, I don't have their world-view (or their string of ex-wives). I'm looking for good ideas on how to think about this issue and will be interested to see if there's a disparity between the views of the sexes on it.
Male - Age Range: 41-50
I realize some of these surveys have, as their overriding intent, the purpose of getting people to participate so I guess it worked in this case. This, and the race survey, require a response if only to emphasize the absurdity of the questions and obviousness of the answers. The concept of a pre-nuptial agreement is founded on the assumption and premise of distrust. If one is truly seeking to follow Christ they already know that marriage is for a 'lifetime' which means divorce, except in very precisely defined conditions, is not to be an option so there can be no need for such an agreement. Biblical,Godly, Christlike marriage is founded on trust and love - the love of scripture which thinks of the other rather than the self. There is no place for 'agreements' in that situation!
webling:
Male - Age Range: 41-50
'You may use my alias'
I think anything can be used or abused. Many times people think a certain thing is bad because of how it has been used by the majority of people. I have spoken to people who frown on Pre-Nuptual agreements. However, consider this, what if the Pre-Nuptual agreement lined up exactly with scripture?
Or, what if the agreement included stipulations that prevented either spouse from having rights to any property they may own in the event either of them left without biblical grounds? The problem we run into in the US and many other countries, is that divorce is very easy to get. In fact, in the state I live in the woman is practically rewarded for getting a divorce making it very inviting even in situations that aren't all that bad. The problem in most cases is that new couples do not work at the relationship, NO, I mean WORK at it. :o) I didn't say try a little and think you have worked at it. A healthy relationship is developed by two people who go through some sweat to have a happy life together.
If a Pre-Nuptual agreement was in place and done correctly it would not keep a person from leaving if they really wanted to. However, it would make leaving a less favorable option and would cause a couple to rethink before ending what might later become a wonderful relationship. Many marriages end before 5 years and the decisions of what happens when the marriage is disolved are left up to a worldly court.
My idea of having a Pre-Nuptual agreement in place ahead of time, would actually serve to glorify God and would protect the innocent party. It's hard to imagine when you are standing at the alter reciting vows to think that you would ever want to leave this person. But I will tell you something about men and women. The woman will have a tendency to try and change the man, but the man doesn't want the woman to change. It is common after marriage because of the connection each person has between one another to think they have some sort of ownership over the other person. This is actually backward and not intended as God wanted. Gods word teaches us to be servants, to love one another means to serve one another. How is it that once the ring is on the finger and paper work is signed, many of us suddently become demanding? This is selfishness and not what God intended.
If a spouse chooses to leave on unbiblical grounds, a Pre-Nuptual agreement could serve two fold. It would offer the innocent party release from any obligations the law might stipulate otherwise and it would give the party that wished to leave a way out. Yet, the spouse who left would recognize that their choice offered them no reward.
In a case where children are involved there would of course need to be other stipulations. As long as the spouse who did not leave were capable and willing to raise the children, they would be awarded primary custody. I would not prevent the children from seeing the spouse who left and suitable visitation should be set up for them. There would be much more to it than this obviously and you may even have many ideas of your own but we only have so much space here which is not substantial to submit all my ideas.
The idea of having a Pre-Nuptual agreement for believers is mainly for the intent of performing Gods will in the event of a separation or divorce. Since mans law does not adhere to sound Christian doctrine a Pre-Nuptual agreement would at least govern a separation or divorce according to Gods word rather than mans laws.
There are many things in this life that are used or misused. The things themselves are not evil. However, there are things in this life that are evil in themselves and not matter how you use them are wrong. I don't see a Pre-Nuptual agreement as wrong, I see it as something that can be used for good in a very wicked society. I also think that if something like this is used, it needs to be well thought out and will also cause each person realize they are responsible for their actions.
Accountability is very important in any relationship. Many times a man may think they can be rough on his wife just because he is the head of the household. Or a father may think he can be rough with his children just because he is the father. Let's consider how YOU want God to treat you and treat your family like that. If a person is a real believer, their nature would not be to be rough on their family, it would be their nature to be loving as God is loving.
Many times a woman let's her emotions get the best of her and will scream and throw things at her husband because she doesn't agree with something he did. I doubt that any woman would do this to Christ, yet the woman is subject to the man as the man is to Christ.
If we as Christians would get more of a grasp of Gods word, we would not have hostility, we would not hurt one another. But rather men would love their wives as Christ loved the church and woman would subject themselves to the man. Neither spouse is better than the other, both are here to serve each other, each simply have different roles.
Although I believe Pre-Nuptual agreement can be a good thing, I don't believe just anyone has the ability to write one correctly. I think this would be something that needs to be writen by the elders of a church who have a healthy relationship with their own wives and have not had more than one wife. I don't think any couple should sit down and write one alone, they need the help of their pastor and church. I have so many thoughts on this because of the countless problems in our present society, but I hope this little bit helps.
Male - Age Range: 41-50
The best thing is to enter into a marriage to stick it out. In the event that a divorce is necessary, it seems the fairest way to divide assets would be to divide the change in net worth and each person keeps the portion of their net worth which they had before the marriage. I know that laws differ from state to state and they are not always very clear cut. This could lead to nasty divorces.
I really don't know what to say. On one hand, to have a pre-nup could indicate a lack of trust, in which case the relationship should have more time to build trust before entering into marriage. On the other hand, it may not be good to leave these decisions up to the state to decide.
If there is a spouse and/or children from a former marriage, a pre-nup may be necessary.
Divorces are bad and nobody wins. It is always less expensive to work things out and stay together in the same home. It is very likely that both parties will feel they have been 'taken to the cleaners'.
If anyone decides to do a pre-nup, each party should have their lawyer look it over first.
blessedman:
Male - Age Range: 41-50
You may use my alias.
Pre-nuptials is an admission that a marriage may not be for keeps .That there is a possibility and probable expectation of disaster somewhere down the road.My question is: what happened to the concept of 'till death do us part?'. A marriage starting up with a pre-nuptial is a admission of a lack of confidence in the integrity of the each person in the relationship. No wonder the Church has very little influence on the world. Such a relationship cannot has nothing christian to teach the world. I will definitely not sign any such agreement with a future partner. ...we will agree from the beginning that whatever may happen, none of us is going anywhere.......'it is till death do us part..
Male - Age Range: 41-50
i never heard of a prenuptual aggreement before it was on the soap opers as mom watches them i beleve this is worldly this to me is planning for the divorce before the marrage i wonder how many people getting divorced hadthem and knew what they would get before tey married in short it took away the incentive to remain married
Male - Age Range: 51-60
Hi,
( please feel free to print my name)
I think that pre nuptal agreements are fine. People who marry, later in life or a second time, have built something separately. It is not the fruit of their combined effort. It's like a tree with different roots.
To me, if I were to marry a wealthy woman, ( which I'd be wary of doing), I'd expect her assets to be her own . I would in no way feel ENTITLED TO ANY OF THEM.
I see marriage as the joining of hearts, not estates.
I think that there are two issues here. One is a holy union. God may put two people together, but to me it is separate than joining their assets. It seems a matter of individual free will. . . and one to be looked upon with care.
A person may have children and friends who they want to direct some of their assets towards some day... and they have wanted this since before meeting their second spouse.
There is an issue of free will here.
Contrary to the terrible confusion infused into our culture by predation on vulnerable assets, it is not something to which a person is naturally entitled.
Solid prenuptuals might very well prevent many dishonest marriages from taking place. The love of and lust for money does seem to be a rather infectious disease.
Mike .
YoungMcDonald:
Male - Age Range: 51-60
(You may use my alias)
Pre and Post Nuptual Agreements were 'invented' by the legal profession in order to keep themselves in your lives and pocketbooks. They are weak and are commonly broken apart in our courts, and most significantly, you will find lawyer$ arguing on both sides of them! Pre-Nuptual Agreements are also a very good way to bring distrust into a romantic relationship! A much better way to discreetly protect your assets and children, do away with lawyer$, do away with Pre-Nupts, or even having a will, is to set up a simple Family Trust with yourself as the trustee. Your new partner can do likewise and you can both live happily. With a contingent trustee, the trust form of ownership outlives you at your death. There are also no Probate expenses for using a family trust, while there are such expenses involved with a will, after you die. Probate fees can run from a few percentage points of your estate up to 20%, and more. A Family Trust means no mistrust, no more lawyer$, no litigation, no broken Pre-Nuptuals, and at your death, everything goes where it belongs.
YoungMcDonald
EDS777:
Male - Age Range: 51-60
You may use my alias.
I'm somewhat surprised to see this issue brought up in your survey in a Christian site. There is a marriage agreement that is automatic and permanently binding in a Godly marriage. It is the VERY Marriage Covenant itself. This should be ALL that Believers need. Keep in mind that the Covenant is not between the husband and the wife, because neither, in their own strength, has the power to keep the Covenant. The Covenant is between God and the husband as the spiritual head of the new family, and between God and the wife as the husband's completer (this is a HUGE responsibility). If one or the other of the betrothed need more than this, the status of their Christian faith should be examined more closely. If you haven't known your intended long enough to have a good understanding of their faith, and if God is not going to be the head of your marriage, then call it off! Don't waste another second . . . end it now!
The only kind of post-nuptual agreement that exists is called a decree of divorce. By the way, did you know that after being divorced, one can only remarry without committing adultery if their divorce was Scriptural. I have discovered many divorces in this and other Christian singles' sites that are far from Scriptural.
Male - Age Range: 61-70
I think a pre-nuptial agreement is most appropriate for those going into a second marriage. Children from previous marriages should not have their inheritance jepoardized by a new marriage. I saw this happen when my brother died. His second wife got everything, and his children from his first marriage got nothing.
In a first marriage, among younger couples especially, I do not consider it necessary, as they will be working together in partnership to acquire joint property.
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